


i'm sorry i don't resemble you

by yijeong



Category: SHINee
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Drabble, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Unrequited Love, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-02 00:12:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17877458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yijeong/pseuds/yijeong
Summary: “i thought i had a crush on you, but.. but even after admitting my feelings and having you reciprocate them,”“the flowers in my lungs haven’t gone away,”





	i'm sorry i don't resemble you

**Author's Note:**

> ouch

the small apartment was painfully silent, the air thick and suffocating to jonghyun as he sat on the couch, hands folded together in his lap. small rays of sunshine flitted in through the half open blinds, dust dancing in the light that dimly illuminated the area.

his own heavy breathing was the only thing to break the silence as he worked to steady it to a calmer pace, fighting against the nerves that twisted and writhed around uncomfortably deep in his stomach like snakes. he stood up suddenly- a bit too fast for his body’s liking as stars momentarily danced at the edges of his vision- and made his way to the window, shoving it open and letting the midday breeze cool him off.

jonghyun still felt the subtle hints of anxiety that settled right below the surface of his skin, though, and despite the cool breeze his still felt uncomfortably warm in the moment. he settled for kneeling, his face against the window’s ledge as he reached into the pockets of his joggers.

opening his hands, he revealed a few deep red petals with a few more delicate white ones sprinkled in, and despite how innocent looking they were, the faint pink tinge of blood on the white petals revealed their true meanings, and despite how obvious it was to jonghyun what they meant, confusion still lingered at the back of his mind.

but he didn’t have much time to feel confusion as he heard the door to the apartment open with a click, heard the call of his boyfriend’s voice as he announced that he was home, and jonghyun hastily shoved the petals back into his pocket as he stood up and closed the window.

“hey, jinks,” he hoped that the underlying tones of anxiety weren’t obvious in his voice, and he kept his hands in his pockets to hide how they shook.

jinki smiled warmly at the sight of jonghyun, looking at him with sunshine in his eyes. he made his way to the shorter and planted a quick kiss on his cheek, “hey jjong,” he stepped back to take his coat off, “how was your day?”

if jinki noticed anything unusual about jonghyun, he didn’t say anything about it, and a breath that jonghyun didn’t know he was holding in left his mouth in a short sigh, “uh, it was okay i guess, i didn’t do much but-” a quick pause as his fingertips brushed against the petals, “i wrote a bit for that song i told you i was working on,”

he pulled his hands out of his pockets quickly as the petal’s touch almost felt burning to his skin and he felt helpless as he struggled to get words out his mouth before jinki was turning to face him again.

“but uh, jinki, there’s something i need to tell you,” the feeling of anxiety within him grew more intense, almost crashing over him in waves as his palms grew sweaty and his body shook, nausea still ever so present in his stomach. he didn’t miss the way concern flash in his boyfriend’s eyes and he forced himself to divert his gaze away.

a gentle hand touched his shoulder followed by a voice that was quieter than before, “jonghyun, baby, it’s okay, you don’t have to be so scared, you can tell me anything, you know…” jinki’s voice held it’s own edge of uncertainty and his sentence trailed off, almost as if he knew something bad was about to come.

“i know, i know, it’s just..” jonghyun fought to steady his breathing as he reached back into his pockets, grasping the petals with a delicacy that countered his nerves.

“i thought i had a crush on you, but.. but even after admitting my feelings and having you reciprocate them,” he lifted his hand up to the space between him and jinki, opening his fingers to reveal the petals as tears finally began to blur the edges of his fingers, blending the tones of reds and whites together.

“the flowers in my lungs haven’t gone away,”


End file.
